Adventures of a 40 year old college girl

Privacy and the Internet? Not possible...

2011-02-11T14:35:00.000-05:00

     This is my discussion topic this week. Privacy. I will keep this brief, because there are far too many avenues we could all go in with this issue. Let me just say this: Privacy is a thing of the past, but it doesn't mean that we are in big trouble.

     Facebook, Google, MySpace and so many social networking sites (if not all) clearly state through their Statement of Rights & Responsibilities and Privacy Policies what is theirs and what is ours, what they give out and what they won't. It is a bit scary when you actually find out what those things are, however. Advertisers need information, geographic, gender, interests, hobbies, what games we play, what sites we visit and so on, in order to target advertise to each of us. (That is what those little ad boxes are doing on the right hand side of Facebook, by the way). So is our privacy, gone or not?

     The part that gets me all the time are the companies making money to 'protect us' from these things. Here's an article about how to protect yourself that will blow your mind. Make certain you scroll down until you get to the part where the companies will help you remove information from Google, Yahoo, and the like. It is astronomical the price they charge...Click here

   The discussion has been in full swing on my college board. What do you think? Do you use social networking sites?

Read-Write Culture...What do you think?

2011-02-07T16:36:00.000-05:00

   I had an interesting week. In my Computer Literacy class, we are discussing copryrights, mashups and such. When are artists being overtaken by the 'free sharing' culture of the Internet? Are they losing money? What is really happening out here in cyberspace? Well, this was my discussion this week. We will see what responses I get from my fellow classmates. Meanwhile, put your two cents in. What do you think about this issue?

MY TAKE ON THE ISSUE:

   Creative expression is our culture and has been for many years. Lawrence Lessig, an author and Professor of Law at Harvard University certainly thinks so. In his video, Larry Lessig on laws that choke creativity, he uses a few humorous and very true stories about John Philip Souza, Lord Blackwell and the broadcasting industry to illustrate that our culture has gone from Read-Write to Read Only. (Leesig, 2007). Check it out!

Larry Leesing - Laws that Choke Creativity

   This is important in today’s world, because in the 21st century we are trying to return (due to the Internet) to a Read Write culture. User generated content is everywhere with the click of a mouse. You Tube, UStream, Flickr, Renderosity, Vimeo, and so many more rely on user generated content or sharing as it were. We were taught as children to share and share alike and oddly, this concept has extended now to border-line (if not completely) pirated copies of mash-ups and copyright violations that exploded all over the Internet for the past six or more years. The laws are definite about it. Copyrights protect artists from losing their rights to their property, legally. However, the users don’t seem to care about that little law anymore. It is now called Creative Commons and copyrights are being updated to fit our newer read write culture. I personally like the idea of Creative Commons and protecting creative expression. Quite a conundrum, I’ll admit, but it is necessary to find a way that people, all people, can express their creativity (without profit) and provide entertainment to others. So, in conclusion, yes, yes, yes, we should have read write culture and creative expression without the threat of law suits.

   Moving into a read write culture however will not be easy for companies and artists who want to (and should) make money for their creations. Demand and supply is our capitalist culture and has been for many decades. I remember when I was growing up and showing a song from my new record to a friend was very exciting. I would even dream up ways for the song to mean something to the characters I created in my head and added lyrics to it also. Not to mention, once we could record those songs, I gave them to others and recorded them myself from others. Was I pirating? Yes, of course I was and so were my friends. Back in the 1980s when we were doing this, though, it wasn’t on a global scale. It was in a house and we knew about it. We didn’t worry that the record companies would knock on our door and demand money for that music. As a matter of fact, I can honestly say I never even thought about it. It was sharing – like we had been taught by our parents. They always said: ‘Share your toys with your friends.’ We just shared our new toys and today the kids are sharing theirs. Is it bad for the artists and the companies? Maybe, but again I harken back to those sharing days of ‘old and one thing rings true. I listened to an album or song by an artist my friend showed me, I recorded it, and yes, I even went out and bought the next album sometimes because I didn’t want to wait. This type of sharing today opens up big worlds of trouble to those artists, since I can download a song, do a mash-up with a video to it and put it up on You Tube. Now, I’m a pirate. Believe me, if I had recorded a song back in the 80s and did the same things (using unbelievable slow means to do so), I would still have been pirating. It didn’t change, now we know everyone does it and with better, faster, more efficient software. Here’s the real question: If I started to like that artist because someone shared a song with me, is that good or bad for the artist?

   Of course, it isn’t that simple. Mash-ups are changing the intellectual property rights in a very real way. We are in a user generated content culture or ‘read write’ whether the law has caught up or not. The craze is not ending and people are not stopping. It seems to be the law now that needs to refine its thinking, not the users. We haven’t rethought it since I was a kid. I think we are in the midst of a revolution with creativity, imagination, good or bad driven by the user. The channels have been opened and a flood of material just keeps coming. Creative Commons Licensing has introduced a way to protective our creativity and our work, but it isn’t the only solution. Digital Right Management (DRM) seems to have been the answer for movie and music companies for the past few years, but it, too, doesn’t seem to be a solution. Itunes announced back in 2009 that it is DRM free and will upload older songs as such, as well as provide those songs at a discount for people who have previously downloaded them. (Breen, 2009). This is an enormous break-down of the system for DRM. It also brings up the question posed here in this discussion to us: Should DRM’s be utilized? In my opinion, simply no. Again, it is not a simple issue. However when researching DRM technology and what is happening in the world today it was very interesting what I found out. DRM is installed on OS platforms, such as Vista to run Blu-Ray and HDTV technology. I don’t know how extensive Microsoft has placed DRM into Vista, however I do know that DRM is being ignored and overwritten. There are cracks available easily online (and illegally), as well as YouTube videos which actually explain how to convert DRM music into MP3’s (just as illegal).

   The revolution online is very large and very involved within our society today. It seems not many think twice about sharing a file, song, video, or doing mash-ups. DRM should be eliminated and it should be accepted that we have (and have been for a few years) a Read-Write culture. The Internet and software applications are the tools, but the people have made it into an ever-growing, changing, communicating, global platform for creativity, imagination and sharing. If the companies are waiting for this revolution to go backwards, I think they will be extremely disappointed and in turn, will be guilty of what happened with ASCAP in 1945 when they lost the battle with broadcasting. (Leesig, 2007). The people already revolted. I challenge everyone to look at this revolution of creativity as an opportunity instead of something lawyers, courts, and corporations can attack.

   I have to say that these discussions could spark a deep, even heated, debate if anyone wants to get involved. Creative Commons is here, so the read write culture has won one battle. Interestingly enough, this argument comes up when the ones on YouTube that become ‘celebrities’, make money and go on national talk shows promoting their material, which is obviously infringing on the artist’s copyright.

References:
Breen, C. (2009, Apr 7). DRM-free ITunes: What it means for you. PC World. Retrieved from
   http://www.pcworld.com/article/162732/drmfree_itunes_what_it_means_for_you.html

TED (Producers). (2007, Mar). Larry Lessig on laws that choke creativity [Videorecording]. Retrieved from
   http://www.ted.com/talks/larry_lessig_says_the_law_is_strangling_creativity.html

Until next time...

A new look?

2011-02-07T16:23:00.000-05:00

I am already bored with my background for the blog. Yea, it doesn't take long. So how this look? Give me some feedback! Thanks.

Everybody knows a terabyte...how about a petabyte? WOW!

2011-02-02T09:03:00.000-05:00

Here we are in 2011 and we have so much technology, it is comping out of ears, literally. That would be blue tooth devices, of course. In my new class, I finished English Comp II (got an A, yea!!!!) and am now moving onto Computer Literacy. At first I thought this class will be boring for me, since I know computers and I have been working with many programs for many years. I would even say I am computer savvy. Luckily, it has been very interesting. Not (OMG, I'm amazed, interesting) but I am learning things. I learned and joined Diigo, ScreenCast, and found several fun sites, too. How about Pandora Free Internet Radio where you can set up your own radio stations? (I have My Angel 80s Mix Station and Broadway Station) Here's the link if you would like to check it out: (By the way, I am using Diigo on a sidebar to locate my bookmark for Pandora. Technology at its best!)

http://www.pandora.com

These types of services are great and it does take time to see everything that's out there, if there is such a possibility (which I doubt). The Internet is one petabyte large (almost), or as I learned if you had one petabyte in your computer, you could download the entire Internet or in computer terms, 1024 terabytes of storage. By the way, Avatar (the movie) takes a petabyte of storage, so don't download the full movie yet! Here's the link to that reference: http://thenextweb.com/2010/01/01/avatar-takes-1-petabyte-storage-space-equivalent-32-year-long-mp3/

Okay, back to school. I am working on a research paper and PowerPoint Presentation on Open Source Software (that's what I picked). Anybody out there use open source? I downloaded Open Office from openoffice.com. It's free, software! Send me your comments, opinions and issues. I would love to know.

This week we are having a discussion in class about the new technology and how it affects us. Here's mine:

There is so much information I learned from our textbook, Chapter 1-5, that I had to stop reading and start processing everything. I love computers, technology and all the extras we can have in today’s ever-changing marketplace. Currently, I own a computer with 160 GB hard drive, 1.6 Ghz of clock speed and 1 GB of RAM with a disk drive and LCD monitor. I want to upgrade to more RAM soon since I work on videos and such. I also need a better graphics card, like Nvidia. My printer is a scanner, copier and printer. I will not be getting a new printer since this one is only a few years old. I also have an external hard drive with 500GB of storage that I rely on heavily when I am traveling and away from home, however I do need to purchase a terabyte external hard drive soon, (however I would love to own a petabyte external hard drive, which is currently being developed, because I could have almost all the music in the world) since I have used up over 75% of my current one. I will be changing my cell phone shortly due to my cell phone plan having this capability. I will be searching for one with better megapixels for picture taking and videos. I have internet access on my cell phone, of course, but do not use it now. Also, I have a GPS application on my phone that I will continue in the next few years.

This part of the discussion was hard for me, since there are so many features/components/form factors that could be available in the next three months, six months, and a year. I believe that the trend is certainly leaning towards more advanced smart phones with higher memory capacity, new operating systems, more storage on external hard drives, better applications and add-ins, to say the least. I did find out about some exciting advances regarding emerging and brand-new technologies. NVidia has launched its ‘Tegra 2’ chip for this year’s release. This ‘super chip’ as described by NVidia CEO, Jen-Hsun Huang, will enhance cell phone technology. (Venture Beat, 2011). Optical technology is also an option in the future, since Intel is currently developing ‘Light Peak.’ “It connects computers with other devices using high speed optical cables running speeds to the tune of 10 gigabytes per second-twenty times faster than a standard USB cable.” (Rajarshi, 2011). There is also a new Blackberry phone that is coming out soon and technology that is trying (or seems to be) catching up to the recently released Apple I-Pad. Dell has also released the first laptop that has a Dual core Neo processor called ‘Inspiron.’ I believe we will be seeing more and more of these types of laptops that can compete with dual and multicore processor PC computer.

One of the biggest changes that have occurred in technology end users has been that many opt to use their cell phones for the internet and most of their daily computing needs rather than a PC. The number seems to be small (only 30%) but it is growing. This means that new technologies will have to focus on cell phones, but will continue to make strides in computer processing components, such as the above mentioned optical technology. I believe that many of the companies mentioned are looking for the fastest paradigm for the market. As with optical technology it has come down to ‘how can it be made cheaper’ to both manufacturers and end users. The market is flooded with technology now that many do not know how to use, so emerging technologies that change the core of the platform, computer, cell phones and such will be difficult to market to end users who are baffled and confused by technology that all ready exists. This will be the big challenge in my opinion. Microsoft has announced it is working on Windows 8 for a possible release in 2012, although Windows 7 was just released in Oct, 2009. So I guess my only question now is: When are the crystals coming to our computers?

Processing speed and memory will be of the most importance to me, because I store many, many video and audio files on my computer. As I said, I have used 75% of my 500GB external hard drive (I did this within a period of 6 months) and need to upgrade to a 1 TB soon. So technology that advances the capability to provide more clock speed and run more efficiently, such as multicore processors are where I am headed. Next generation RAM (beyond DDR3) that allows more memory would be great. I’ve also thought as far as software is concerned all applications should contain the ‘make it perfect’ button. Although it is just a joke, it may just happen someday. I would love to see if we thought it was perfect.

Utilizing applications is my mainstay, I love trying new things and beta testing when I get a chance. I download trials for Microsoft and use the applications whenever I can. The most important ones for me in the future will be making Office (in particular Word) better with each new edition. The current Office 2010, which I saw a comparison with Office 2007 (I currently have) on You Tube, gave me a sense that the application has just added some features, but nothing mind blowing or worth it to change to 2010 at this point. One of the biggest advances I am interested in is storage space. I want to go to Petabyte or at least a few terabyte external drives and internal storage. I realize it is a little off since even one petabyte seems to be a ridiculous amount of space needed for running software now.

I began with a personal home computer in 1995 and to say that it has changed my life would be an understatement. It has revolutionized my life. I use my current PC to create higher productivity with my novels, stories, communication and of course, in college. I love working with the word processing and graphic applications, email, Google talk, Google docs and all the features of the Internet. Utilizing IGoogle as my homepage has made finding tabs and websites, such as my student portal available to me at a click. I recently received my external hard drive, which is very portable and so small, I carry it in my purse when I working away from home. It is very convenient and extremely helpful. I suppose the only risks are that I have gone so far in the hardware storage on my drives that it is possible I could lose data. It has happened before, however, I like to back things up at night (especially my little external drive, which is an automatic function). The other risk would be identity theft, which is terrifying to me over the Internet. This is a real deep rooted risk we all have, I am certain.

References:

devicedaily.com (2010, July 27). Dell Inspiron M301z Packs AMD Dual-Core Neo Processor. devicedaily.com. Retrieved from http://www.devicedaily.com/gadgets/dell-inspiron-m301z-packs-amd-dual-core-neo-processor.html

Rajarshi. (2010, May 28). Is optical technology coming of age? Global Thoughtz. Retrieved from http://technology.globalthoughtz.com/index.php/is-optical-technology-coming-of-age007/

Takahashi, D. (2011, Jan 5). Nvidia’s tegra 2 aims to power a new generation of super phones and tablets. VentureBeat. Retrieved from http://venturebeat.com/2011/01/05/nvidias-tegra-2-aims-to-power-a-new-generation-of-super-phones-and-tablets/

Technology and Lifestyles. (2011, Jan 7). CES 2011 NVIDIA’s tegra coming out party. Technology and Lifestyles. Retrieved from http://www.tywigs.org/gadgets-reviews/ces-2011-nvidia%E2%80%99s-tegra-coming-out-party

That's it. If you could get through reading that, you're good! Well back to the grind, even with the sleet and snow here in New England, no online classes ever close...keep safe on the roads today and watch those weather reports on your blackberries and smart phones. That's technology working!

Until next time...

Groundhog Day -- Yea, Phil didn't see his shadow!

2011-02-02T08:43:00.000-05:00

Here we are on Groundhog Day, which for my age means that Bill Murray movie where the day keeps repeating over and over. In reality, though, it is about the day we find out as modern humans content on not believing in myth and legend...run right towards legendary myths! This year, Punxsutawney Phil, our illustrious host of this day, was pulled out of his comfy, little hole in the ground by men wearing suits and top hats. Then placed on a wooden circle-thing and bribed with some food. For a moment, there was a hush in the crowd as the leader of the Punxsutawney (PA) Groundhog Club told everyone that Phil predicted the Steelers would win the Superbowl AND (as almost a secondary newsnote) that he did not see his shadow. Here is the newscast all about it, should you wish to see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSa_h_wVoj4&feature=player_embedded

Well, this post may not be all about online school and studying, but it is interesting to note that after modern science and technology has developed planes, trains, automobiles, solar windmills, new energy, and computers (with every gadgets and gizmos) we still look towards the groundhog for a weather predication. It might not be such a bad idea, since it was announced on the news this morning that Phil's predication is 40% right, while the National Weather Service is 51% correct. Not bad for a groundhog!

I will have a new blog post about school, studying and new technologies emerging on the market, since I am taking a computer class right now. Onto counting down the days until Spring!

Until next time....

School Break...

2010-12-20T14:27:00.000-05:00

Well the holidays are coming upon fast. The tinsel, the shopping, the wrapping, and all those 'great' little things that come along with Santa and Christmas. School takes a short two-week break over the holidays, so I can hold back a bit on assignments. I will still continue (of course!) to research for my paper, but the logging in everyday and checking on discussions, etc. will not be needed! I am glad for one, because I think I am becoming slightly obsessed with the login button on the university's homepage. For instance, as students we are required to complete two posts per week (discussions) and then must respond to at least two other students in each discussion (just to clarify that's four people per week to response to), I have gone from responding to three or so to many more (up of 5 or 6 per discussion). I have my reasons though. One, I want to talk with different people all the time in the discussions and opening myself up by responding to them will hopefully open a communication between us and two, I like reading the posts and responding (when I something to respond to), sometimes I struggle at what to say if the post is rather short and brief, but it is interesting to hear all these different perspective on the same topic. Sometimes, it's all the same information over and over again told, but sometimes, you come across a 'gem'. Something that makes me think or laugh or just nod my head in understanding.

College is so much more today than simply being in a classroom and listening to a teacher. We can communicate with each other, or more accurately, that's all we do. Opening up our lines of communication with thought, opinion, and interest. Sure, everyone can have a discussion in class, but not everyone participates. Online, in the virtual classroom, we all participate and talk about our thoughts. What a concept! That's my kind of school. I have to say I am enjoying the way online learning works. I have been in traditional classrooms recently (my friend, the psychologist is a teacher and I help out from time to time), and although I am not there every time for class, participation is weaning at best. I think the online experience opens up the communication on a different level. It might not work with all people, but some of us, like me, enjoy the idea of it very much and do try to ask probing, thought provoking questions of my classmates.

To everyone out there who has been kind enough to stop by this blog, read it, and/or comment on it ~ thanks! I appreciate every word you type. Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Until the New Year!!! 2011...

Final Week of Class...Yea!

2010-12-01T13:10:00.000-05:00

One thing I cannot stand is constantly striving to do the best and ending up finding mistakes with tests. Here we go again...last week's quiz had another error. I sent an email to my academic advisor, he sent an email back. He is looking into the problem and he will get back to me in 24 hours (from yesterday). I am certain he will. He has been wonderful at contacting me and giving me direction. I will have nothing but praise for him, however the class and the teacher I have right now is not getting the same "love" so to speak. Over the course of the past four weeks, she has responded to two posts of mine, that's fine. I really don't care about that, however in our class of 18 students we have done 9 posts (discussions) in four weeks. Out of those, our instructor has responded an average of 3.7 times. Does that seem like instruction? I ask you. On the other hand, our TA has been very helpful. She is working on our reflective papers. This is something we have worked on for the past five weeks. She has given helpful advice, constructive criticism and a lot of comments. So, I guess I would rather get help from her. I am only stating these facts to get it off my chest and try somehow to understand how an instructor can be teaching when the responses have be like the following ones I got:

Hi Allison,

Very nice post!! I see that you understand your personality work type, and that you use them in your current field. It is great to know that you are able to define your characteristics.

Nice Work!!

Hi Allyson,

When you use critical thinking you will have the opportunity to think about the underlying causes of the issue at hand. I feel that you will use critical thinking to gain the best results within your environment. Critical thinking is a process of action that helps determine the decisions or solutions for problems/issues that have to have an ultimate result. I see that you also feel that communication is another area that accompanies your growth and development, communication is a major development factor as we grow and develop .

Nice Post…

I do not see the progress and help in these posts, but maybe I am not looking at the bigger picture. After all, I do feel I wrote good posts, so why not believe that she had nothing more to say? It is a testament. perhaps to my diligent work on these discussions. Staying positive through this college experience is my new goal. I am now onto Week Five and the final week of this class. My last assignment is to turn in my final Reflective Paper. Next, I move onto English Comp II class. Oh, yea! I will keep you posted as to what my Academic Adviser has to say about those quizzes.

Until next time...

Adult Development Theories, Education, and Waiting for Superman to save us all...

2010-11-17T12:36:00.000-05:00

This past week we learned about Adult Developmental Theories. Erik Erickson, Jean Piaget, Lev Vygotsky, Sigmund Freud and many others were a part of it. First, I would like to set forth something about my beliefs. I choose Lev Vygotsky as my theorist that I can most identify with. Here is a section of my discussion about him from class:

Lev Vygotsky, creator of the Sociocultural Theory of development felt discovering the zone of proximal development, and utilizing it in education was the best way to teach children. “The difference between the level of solved tasks that can be performed with adult guidance and help and the level of independently solved tasks is the zone of proximal development.”[i] The theory was developed during war torn Russia in the 1920s. He “believed social interaction and culture led to the best cognitive development. Vygotsky wanted to know where a child could be; not where a child is developmentally.” (Ch 1, pg. 15) His theory also introduces the concept of ‘scaffolding’, where a teacher or mentor gives assistance to a child to complete a task, but does not do more than is necessary. His theory opened up the pathways to schools in Russia to educate their children based on these principles. However, it was suppressed under Stalin’s Rule. Even in adult development we can see Vygotsky’s work. Each task that we learn for a new job or even in returning to school emphasizes the need for ‘scaffolding’. We build upon our skills by being mentored or taught by others. Jerome S. Bruner, a social psychologist who became involved with education in the 1960s, was influenced by Vygotsky's concept of "scaffolding.” He developed a new theory of cognitive development through the MACOS (Man: A Course of Study) project, bringing Vygotsky’s work to America in a new theory.

Vygotsky’s work of ‘scaffolding’ and the zone of proximal development is exactly what I believe should be the first priority of education. Today, the educational system, at early ages ‘teaches to the tests.’ I find this concept frustrating. Since many students will not reach their potential due to the gross lack of misjudgment in using this method. Vygotsky believed in the potential of a student, not merely ‘where they are now’, but rather ‘where can they be’. Education has changed dramatically. When I was in school during the 70s and 80s the way we learned was much different than my daughter experienced. While I was rewarded for my accomplishments with Advanced Placement and Honor courses providing a level of challenge reaching my potential, her high school removed all of these courses due to budget cuts. The other big factor in education today is what I call (and many psychologists in the field) ‘over diagnosis.’ Many children are being diagnosed with learning disabilities, particularly Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) when they may be simply not challenged, and therefore ‘bored’ of their school work. This is a sad fact in today’s educational world. ADHD soared in the mid-90s. “The 700% increase in psycho stimulant use that occurred in the 1990s justifies concern about potential over diagnosis and inappropriate treatment of child behavior problems.” [ii] Thus, creating an environment where everyone, including children have a label, but I ask, is it accurate or is it the product of over diagnosis? Vygotsky would see the potential in a child and work through ‘scaffolding’ to reach it. We seem to see a problem in American children and work towards medication to get rid of it.

Having said that, what do you think? Is Vygotsky the way to go? Or should we continue to teach our children within the education system’s version of where they are now, not where they could be?

I find the system of education extremely frustrating today as indicated above. There is so much need and room for improvement. I was informed by one of my friends that a new documentary Waiting for Superman has come out in theaters. I am anxious to see this film and what they have to say about education, who’s to blame, and what can be done. Also, I found a BBC news clip about Finland, yes, Finland. Apparently they have the best educational systems in the world. Interestingly enough, they use ‘scaffolding’ in it. Here’s that clip: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/world_news_america/8601207.stm

Here is the trailer about the new documentary, Waiting for Superman: http://www.waitingforsuperman.com/ Enjoy!

Here is a review on the film also (in case you were interested): http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,2021951,00.html

Until next time…

[i]Daniels, Harry (Author). Introduction to Vygotsky. London, GBR: Routledge, 1996. p 172. http://site.ebrary.com/lib/ashford/Doc?id=10057539&ppg=185

[ii] Commission for Scientific Medicine and Mental Health: http://www.srmhp.org/0201/adhd.html

Quizzes, papers and college...oh my!

2010-11-15T18:00:00.000-05:00

It's was a trying week (last week). I don't know why but sometimes I feel like life just hits you out of nowhere and you are powerless to stop the momentum. Sometimes we can 'muddle' through and sometimes we are fighting it, kicking and screaming, however it always seems like we learn a lesson. This is the story of mine.

Last week, I took the second week quizzes for my college class. We learned all about developmental theories and the theorists who created them. It was challenging, interesting and even a little fun. (Well, maybe more than a little. I have a difficult time talking about school being fun, because I let all those ‘downers’ from high school ruin it for me. Anyway, it was lots of fun. I loved it!) We had two quizzes that we had to take. One on the topic of the week, Theories of Development and one on our Writing essay due in three weeks. It’s called our ‘Reflective Paper’. I told you about that, I think all ready. So here goes, the problem started for me when I sat down to take the quiz. I have horrible test anxiety and since I got a 90 on the last test (Yes, I wanted a 100%, if I can’t be perfect, why bother. I am trying to learn to curb this problem), I was worried. So I took it. I couldn’t understand what happened. I got 90 again. I checked all my answers and I consulted my friend, a psychology professor and clinical psychologist. This is his field and he knows these things. Where do I go wrong? Apparently, I hadn’t. The answer was wrong and no correct answer was given. I had answered none of the above to the question, because I couldn’t find the correct answer either. Well, he went into “it’s a problem’ mode and it needs to be fixed, so I went into overload mode. Now, I had to email the instructor and tell her that their quiz was wrong. I gathered my facts, taken from our book, and about a million psychologists out there and sent it all to her. Then waited… (and freaked out!) You see, I am always worried about teacher retaliation on students who are diligent and bring up problems. (If any of you have a story about this to share, I would love to hear it!) I can’t see her, I don’t know her, and I will never meet her (being an online student, of course), but now I was worried about what she would say about me, how she would react, etc. And not just worried, very, very anxious. I stared checking email every hour or more. Nothing.

Second day comes. I take the second quiz (About the writing essay). You would not believe it?! Another problem. One question has answers that are confusing to the instructions we were given. Two separate instructions (one from the universities writing lab, the other from my instructor) and they contradict each other. How is this possible???? Now, I’m upset and really worried. I can’t send her another email about this? Can I? My loving, wonderful husband was with me when this came down and he suggested (I love him!) calling my academic adviser about the problem. I did. About an hour or so later I get a phone call. (I was in Christmas Tree Shop at the time – long story). He agrees that it’s a problem, the university does not take these things lightly and please would I write an email to my instructor outlining the problem and send him a copy. When I got home, I did just that. Yea! Sent him both emails about both problems, all done. Feeling a little better now, because my adviser was not pleased about the errors and felt I was correct in pointing them out. I had validation. Now, I’m just waiting for the return email from my instructor. And waiting…I get a reply. Yea! I get a point for one of the quizzes. Then I send back an email saying thank you and I hope she got the other email I sent. And then another reply and Yea! I get a point for that. Ok, all’s good, except I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Is she mad at me? Uncomfortable? Too busy? Not happy? Because the first email was friendly. You know, hi, thanks, etc. The second email was very short. I realize this was a crazy thing to have two quizzes have two issues, but I didn’t do it. So here comes my ‘freak out’ (as usual): What if she doesn’t like me because I did that? Or…no, I don’t want to think about it.

As I was writing this blog, I realized I’m being irrational. In looking over the emails again, the first one was friendly and helpful. The second one was short, yes, however it doesn’t sound as bad as I first thought. Guess I was ‘raw’ from doing all that emailing and researching to back up my claims. Now, the only thing that preys on my mind is, should I tell the other students about the quizzes? After all, if they got something wrong because of this, shouldn’t they be corrected, too? Or should I leave that up to the faculty and staff of the college. And even more so, the quizzes I think are computer generated and are randomized, so everyone might not have gotten these questions. To make this long story finally end. I am in my third week of classes. Yea!

That’s it for now. I said I would be open and honest on this blog. So there it is.

Until next time…

Reflective Assignment...

2010-11-09T16:22:00.000-05:00

"I never know what I think about something

until I've read what I've written on it"

William Faulkner

This is how I feel today. In my new class (going into our 2nd week) I am supposed to start developing my Reflective Paper. This paper is in essence a nightmare. I love to write and I have already written the outline, a draft and find some resources. Okay, so maybe I've becoming anxious again, but honestly, write about my entire life experience to this point and then include what my future goals are? Are they crazy? My life experience as with everyone is vast, complicated and interconnected. This paper which should be about 7-10 pages long (maybe, because no direction was given on that), has to include all of these things and be reflective on my life so far. I would rather go across hot coals with bare feet at this moment. Reflecting is great in small doses and such, but to reflective on my entire life!!!! This is torture. Not to mention, what really bothers me is the fact that I keep finding negative things that pushed me forward. The positive things I have experienced like my husband and our daughter and friends are there as well, but they seemed overshadowed by my parents, my childhood and such. Okay, so how do I outline this?

As you can probably tell, I'm a bit frustrated. I can sit at the computer for hours and still be no where closer to my assignment being done than if I didn't sit here.

That quote above is so much my thought today...how do I know what I think about my life until I read what I wrote. Unfortunately, I haven't really written it all. I wrote a draft that I don't like and an outline that is unrealistic to jam into a paper. So now what?

I am going to break away for a while and not think about it. Perhaps have a drink and calm down. Watch a movie or something. I need to get away from this reflecting on my life 'stuff'. Maybe, I will gain a better perspective later or tomorrow...I hope so.

On another note, our daughter, who is 18, burned her hand at work and had to be taken to the emergency room last night. She will be fine, the burns are bad, but not extreme. I was happy for that much. I feel so bad for her that she has trouble swallowing medication, like aspirin, to counteract the pain. My heart goes out to her. My little girl. I hope she is feeling better soon. Luckily today she was not in pain anymore so that's good, but the entire experience has been frustrating to her (with Worker's Comp rules). She is a strong person though and will get through this. Every day I remember how fortunate I am to have such a loving, wonderful husband and that we have such a loving daughter. All of that makes the frustration of this assignment go away. Just wanted to express my feelings about that.

Until next time...

Transformational Learning, Halloween and Everything In-between...

2010-10-27T21:50:00.000-04:00

     Sound like a strange title? Well, it's a strange week. Halloween is approaching, or as my character, Mistress Midnight would say from our play, Dr. Frankenstein's Party --- "All Hallows Eve", it is interesting that I should be reflective and have a sense of renewal. (That's suppose to happen around Spring not when the leaves are falling off the trees).   Life is interesting though. Today my husband and I spent time setting up lights, the stage set and everything else that needed to be done for the play tomorrow. Yet as tiring as it was, it was also rejuvenating. We were working in sync with each other, as we have been known to do for many years (probably why we stay so happily married!), and it all hit me! It was fun and not just 'fun', it was really, really fun. I would do it again in a heartbeat (okay, maybe a few months from now...but definitely again). There is something about us getting a job done that is like nothing I have experienced before with anyone. My husband is so great at getting something accomplished. I know it sounds like I'm surprised, but I'm not. I have known that for many, many years. I just love seeing it in action. It makes me love him even more. If that's possible. Thank you, honey. It was great! Let's hope the show goes just as great tomorrow!

     Well, that's the part about Halloween. Here's the transformational learning part. I have my final, final, final paper due for this first course and as I have said in previous blogs I had difficulty picking a transformational change that occurred in my life to use as an example. There were too many. Finally I wrote the paper, choose a change and proof read, edited and edited again. Still I am hesitating clicking that 'submit assignment' button that looms on the screen. So I ask myself, why? I said in my paper that I still can feel fear and anxiety over my college class, but that I am 'formulating a plan of action' (that's one of the seven phases people go through during a transformational change according to our textbook) so what is it? The plan, I mean? Just stop feeling these feelings. That's really not a good plan (I don't need to be in college to figure that one out). Going through this kind of change can mess with your head. It's not just about experiencing a disorienting dilemma (like something that messes with your head), conflict, or problem. It's all about reflection and seeing if you can challenge your own assumptions about life. Crazy?! Who would want to go through this.  Well, frankly, all of us, adults, do it all the time.

     According to Jack Mezirow who suggested Transformative Learning in 1991 it's far from crazy. It is how we, as adults, learn, grow, and eventually change. We go through all these phases to get there and then, here we are -- in a new way of thinking. Literally. And it doesn't work like the fairy godmother in 'Cinderella' either, it's painful...very, very painful. Kinda seems like Cinderella started her transformational change after she attended the ball, doesn't it? She had to realize that living at that house with those step sisters of hers was living in hell and it was time to move on. Of course, it depends on the version you read of the fairy tale. I think that's probably why I liked doing transformational changes with the characters when I adapted fairy tales for my theater group. Long story, anyway, we need to have transformational changes so that we can learn and grow. Okay, I'll accept that. (And before we get off the subject of 'Cinderella', just how hard of a transformational change is it to marry the rich guy who will one day own the kingdom? Then again, she did have to 'transform' eventually into a Princess. That just might have been terrifying for the girl. But Brothers Grimm and all those fairy tale writers didn't tell us about that. Just Disney. Yes, they made a sequel and yes, it was all about 'Cindy's' transformational change into being a Princess. And yes, I did see it. But hey, I worked for Disney for a few years and I really like fairy tales.)

      I think what is most frustrating about this transformational change for me, going to college again, is that I can simply fall into my old habits. Bad habits. Fear, anxiety, worthlessness, and so on and so forth. How can it be that I can be proud of my accomplishment (creating a theater group, writing books) and yet, I can still see college as a place where I am small, insignificant, and unworthy of. I know it is strange, but then again look at my title to this blog -- strangeness is just the beginning of this week of Halloween. Will I ever feel like I can truly be this college girl I want to be?   And when I do, at times, feel like that, why can't I hold onto it? Frustration is only the beginning. But then again, 'Jack' wouldn't have called it a transformative change for nothing.

    I wish you all the best with your transformational changes (if any of you are experiencing one right now) and a very Happy All Hallows Eve!

    Until next time...

Presentation Went Great!!!

2010-10-25T17:19:00.000-04:00

     First I have to say I did very well on the presentation to the graduate class about presentations. I used a fake therapy called 'TER Therapy' I had developed for a book I wrote last year. It was so much fun to discuss my 'fake doctor', 'fake therapy' and all of that. I think I enjoy putting that lie inbetween two truths for a story, just 'peppering' my stories with factual information along with fictional information. I have developed this little technique for some years now, I think. It's always important to me to make a story believable and yet, unbelievable at the same time. The doctor, Dr. Whiete, who is in my story about 'TER Therapy' is a neurologist and pyschariatrist, however he is also a 'transidenent' that can literally 'go back and forth through the world of the living and the dead'. Yes, it's unbelievable, though my husband who is a ghost hunter may find him to be very helpful on investigations, but the fact that he studied neurology and psycharistry and is a medical doctor puts him in a more realistic frame. That's what I strive for --- a bit of fiction, a dose of reality and an intermingling of both to make a fun, interesting story.

    I am now moving onto my fifth and FINAL week of the first course in college! Yea! This week I only have to post one discussion all about Reflection on the last five weeks, which I completed earlier and posted, and then a final paper on Transformational Learning. I am always worried when it comes to papers because the directions are vague sometimes. For instance, in this paper I am to write two to three paragraphs briefly describing transformation learning stages and then give an example of having one. All right, to be honest, I could go on and on about a transformational learning I have experienced. After all, I founded a theater group, had different jobs, had a child, married, went back to school, etc. Yet, all of those experiences would take far too long to explain in merely a few paragraphs. I could write and write and write. Scary, I know. So I'm stuck for what I should use. Should it be very personal or should I just use my college experience as my current transformational learning?  \\

      Since transformational learning is like 'walking through hell, getting tossed around a bit, getting burned, stung, beaten up, and then being spit out' to finally realize what you couldn't realize before, maybe I should use a very personal experience. I don't know. It's such a fun experience...every time.

     Well, I guess it comes down to. What do I want to write about? Problem is I want to write my stories and another book. That doesn't bode well for my class assignment today.

    Until next time...

Off to Present...

2010-10-20T16:04:00.000-04:00

     Well, here I am all ready to do a presentation on PowerPoint for a college class. A little nervous but very excited. I cannot believe all that computer training and presentation style paid off!  Finally I can talk about what a good presentation looks like, etc. YEA!!!

     I'm on Week Four of my five-week course and I've almost 'graduated' to a 'real' class. I know this is real, it has grades and all, but I can't help thinking that this is introductory and the next class will be, too. Sadly, I wanted to go back to college to really 'dig in'. I did, but I 'dug in' so much that it's tiring a bit. And I'm only at intro class....(insert scream here).

     Anyway, that's it for now. I think I'm too excited about doing this presentation about presentations to continue. I'll let you know how it goes.

Until next time...

Metacognitive Moments...

2010-10-14T11:19:00.000-04:00

Where to start? Well, I’m onto my third week of my class. We received our points for the first week – I received all the points!!!! Yea, so for now, I have 100%. I am very excited about that. I feel I worked hard and was very concise, if not a bit much with the amount I wrote for the assignments (there was no limit on the amount you could write. Big mistake to give to a writer. While many in the class wrote a paragraph or two, I was working on four or five and even more at times. I guess I just had a lot to say and I did a lot of research). The entire class is about learning how you learn the next week’s lesson (I’m a little ahead) and using metacognitive (learned that from the Critical Thinking chapter) thinking. I didn’t know what it meant until I saw the definition: “thinking about one’s own thinking.” I thought it was about ‘above thinking’, you know beyond yourself, like metaphysical. I guess in a way, it is.

Overall, class has been exciting, frustrating and fulfilling. If those things even go together. I have learned about the Theories of Learning. Yes, they exist. How we learn. Why we learn. If we learn. Honestly, there is a lot to learn about learning. I found out that psychologists, socialists, behavioral educationologist (just made that one up) have a lot to say about learning. The three theories we worked on: Gardner’s Theory of Intelligence, Bloom’s Taxonomy (structure, I had to ask) and William Perry’s Learning Stages (which I found out in my research he hated that term and liked to use ‘positions’ instead). Our discussions took us to new worlds of understanding ourselves and how we learn. Pretty fascinating, right?

To be real though I think what I have learned the most is how to communicate and interact on line in discussions. We post our discussion (assignment) and then we have to comment on two others. I find this part fascinating and frustrating (I just love when two adjectives have the same first letter, it’s just like that phenomenon that people with the same first letter get married. i.e. Antonio and Allyson. Sorry, that’s me!). First of all, commenting on posts is difficult if you don’t know what to say about the posts other than those annoying one word encouragements I talked about in my last blog. “Yea! Wonderful! Great!” Secondly, if I have more to say I started to worry about my wording, the sound of my intention and all those things that happen when you are allowed to use words to get meanings across. As a writer I enjoy that medium, but as a person writing these responses it is worrisome. What if I sound too overzealous about someone’s post? For instance, I read the grading rubric on what makes a fair, poor, good, great post. Watch out! Here comes my over thinking. Always working towards the grade, yep that’s me. I want to receive the best score possible, right? Why wouldn’t I? Why wouldn’t anyone? So I add in references, use the textbook information and try (try, try) to be insightful, pose questions, etc. Then my brain goes into overload. What if the person on the other computer screen thinks I’m pretentious or elitist or whatever? I don’t mean to be. It’s not my intention. So, I panic. I write, re-write, re-write and re-write until I have the wording completely, unbelievably, painstaking perfect. As if there is such a thing. Now I hit ‘post response’, that scary, intimidating button on the bottom of the response screen. And wait…and wait…and wait…and wait.

Finally, an answer…and then another…and another. Yea! It sounds all right, no one seems upset. Of course, if I loosen up even a little on my wording maybe someone will get upset. So I don’t. Then, as fate would have it, the next chapter is all about Formal versus Informal writing. Oh good, now I have “experts” who can tell me how to sound a certain way to not offend. Here I go again…

I learned from writing about William Perry’s Learning Positions that I have commitment. (It’s a whole process we apparently go through according to Perry, who by the way, did his research on Harvard Freshman, following them for 15 years from 1950s and 60s – yea, I know way too much research. It wasn’t in the book. I just like to know who those researchers are and who their study groups were. Seems like I understand it better that way). He came up with “positions” that help us learn: Dualism, Multiplicity, Relativity, and Commitment (and by the way if you thought I did that from memory – nope. I only remembered what they are, not the name for each). That’s how according to Mr. Perry, we all learn. Anyway, my commitment about Formal versus Informal writing is: Informal writing (for me) can be so much more difficult. I want to make certain the intent is correct when I write it. (I was tempted to say “I want to make certain the intent is right when I write it”. I thought that was funny. See, Formal Writing helps you not say those things. I guess that means this is all informal. Considering they use blogs as an example of informal writing would make sense).

After we learned writing style, we learned how to write and critical thinking. Critical thinking is defined in the book as “self-assessment”. Self-assessment is defined as thinking and evaluating our quality of thinking. Ok, difference between metacognitive and critical thinking? Any answers appreciated. Self-assessment, (steam rising as I’m thinking, insert here) I have done a lot of self-assessment over the years and critical thinking, I guess. I question my decisions. I wonder why I do what I do. And I always come to the same conclusion – something I did wrong, and not just wrong, but aggrievedly wrong. Something I can really dig into and remain not happy. Why be happy when I can find so many things to be miserable about as well? Yea, it doesn’t work well and maybe it’s human nature or ironic, I would really like to be happy. There are so many things to be happy about. My husband, our daughter, my friends, my abilities, the world in its changing autumn colors, Christmas is coming (I love that season!), and so much more.

I had a critical thinking and metacognitive moment last night. I found out that I am a “self-fulfilling prophecy girl” (oh yea). Now I can actually see how I push people away without meaning to. I have hard evidence. Believe me, that is scary and sad…and now knowing it, accepting it, has actually lifted my spirits. I said some things to friends of mine yesterday that I have wanted to say for years, but couldn’t because I was afraid. Afraid that the “other shoe would drop”, afraid of my own feelings and feeling very, very insecure. The feelings were that I loved them and I didn’t want to lose them and I am not trying to push them away. It felt good to finally get it all out. Now the hard part comes in the transformational learning process (another thing I learned from this book, helpful, huh?): Implementing the solution. I need to live it and stop myself when I get insecure. That’s it. I’ll see how I do. But right now, I want to do well at this. I want to be me. The real me not the one held back by ‘baggage of the past’.

Well, that’s my metacognitive thoughts for the day.

Until next time…

Learning and Sharing...

2010-09-30T17:54:00.000-04:00

I am currently finished with all my assignments for week one of my online course - Dimensions of Learning. Mind you, it is only day 3 of the course. This is what I have learned so far:

29% of the people under the age of 25 in America have Bachelor's Degrees. (Shocking or not?)
There is no excuse for not learning. An entire book was written about learning. I know I read it for the course
How you learn is essential to learning.
Time Management is a must to do online courses (and anything else in life)
The stories and andedotes in the book are very cool and fascinating. For instance, one quote is from the queen of online learning (I didn't know about her either until now) and she said that online teachers can see their students mind not just their faces. I liked that one.
Quizzes online are very different than in school. (Especially if the quiz you are taking uses different terminology than the terminology on the site - too long to explain)

   I have all ready moved onto Week 2, done the assignment and my first discussion. So now I have to learn about a few theories of intelligence. This may not be very important to say, but in reading the first theory of intelligence, it seemed to make sense. Everyone learns differently. Everyone's use of intelligence is different. I like that doctors use studies to prove it, but I wonder how they decided to do it. For instance with Gardner's Theory of Intelligence. Did he wake up one day and just think 'that would be a good idea for a study?' or did he discuss it with friends, etc. And did his friends say the same thing at his results? You know how your friends can be. "Makes sense" "of course", etc. Or in this day and age of technology, would it just be a simple "great!", "go gard...", "wow", "wonderful".

   Completely getting off track, but that annoys me. The thing about leaving a comment for some people on a picture, or whatever. "Great", "Wow", "Wonderful". Do they think this is helpful feedback? I, myself have major issues with feedback, too little, too much, too cruel, too nice. But I'm strange and completely tied to my emotional stream (which can go crazy at any time). I mean if I leave a comment I try to be insightful. A little more than "yea" "nice" "wow". Of course on Face Book all we need to do is click on a link and say we like something. Maybe that's right after all. You didn't have much to say about it, but I liked it. In any case we can blame Face Book for that. They came up with that link. I'm certain in the not too distant future (unless I just haven't seen it yet), the world of the Internet will come up with an application we can all put on our banners and such - "Did you like this?" "Love this?" "Hate this?" Oh no, wait, I have seen that. Never mind, it's all ready here. Who needs conversation? Who needs insight? I'm ranting, but it is scary that we have gone from such rich thoughts as people to one word expressions.

   Of course writing in a blog does make that statement a bit funny. I guess I don't like one word expressions. And the fact that blogs have taken over, I would imagine a lot of other people feel the same.

   What I do like about the online course I'm taking is that the discussion responses from other students are supposed to be insightful, bring up conversation, provide opinions, like a classroom discussion. It sounds interesting so far. I think I'll take some time off studying textbooks, working on line, reading, and writing for a while and do my own time management -- Dinner!

Until next time...

First Assignment..

2010-09-29T11:26:00.000-04:00

I have to say ‘walking’ into my online class for the first time was very interesting. I started to read the other students replies to the initial post we were to have made called appropriately 'Post Your Intro' -- they had written one paragraph, about 3 or 4 sentences long. I had written about 5 paragraphs, much longer answering four out of the seven questions posed. I got worried again, surprise! I mean what if I am over thinking these assignments? In the back of my mind I'm thinking 'yes, I am over thinking.' As a matter of fact that sentence I just wrote shows the over thinking, doesn't it? How many times can I use it in a sentence? And now I'm even sick of the word: over thinking (and I used to like that word before. Maybe, it's because the word seems long, like the word is over thinking the word). Nevermind...that thought went far, far away.

It has come down to these; I am writing this blog to clear my mind a bit. A lot is going on in my head. I am planning out my week for school and I am panicking. What if my assignments are not to be done the way? Am I doing them correctly? After all, I have been given a lot of paperwork (online) to figure out what the assignments are and 'how to' do them, but a lot is still left up to me. I love independency, but not when I'm getting graded. I want to know what my instructor is thinking when she grades the assignments. Is it too much to ask? Let me tell you, I am thinking, she might just not want to read mine. Especially when she sees the length, but as the song goes "hey, I'm a writer" (Sunset Boulevard, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Broadway). I figure, in the end one grade on an assignment can't just remove everything I have ever learned. I am falling into my habit of being hard on myself. I need to 'cease and desist' this behavior and replace it with a more positive outlook. For instance, I could not be going back to school.

   Whew! Much better. Now about the next assignment. We were asked to talk about how we learn and give an example and what our weakness in learning is and give an example. All right, I'm ready --- five paragraphs later, the assignment is done. If only I wasn't terrified still of going into the classroom and realizing everyone wrote one paragraph per section. By the way (just to let you in why I have anxiety), I made the mistake of reading the breakdown of how the posts are graded. Excellent, Good, Fair, etc. no pressure though. Guess that I haven't quite figured out how to balance my anxiety with learning yet. I feel like maybe as an addendum to my assignment I should put in this blog today. Then again, bad idea since the post would be many more paragraphs than I already have. By the way, does anyone know if it's grammatically correct to use 'already' or 'all ready'. That one frustrates me. I think I'll look it up. I can say I thought I knew grammar pretty well (don't even know if that is correct, 'pretty well' sounds slang) but now that I have read the material on comma usage, sentence structure, etc from this class I'm not so certain anymore. I will say this: I love spell checker !  Best invention since sliced bread.

   I have one final question: Did you ever think you would read this much from anyone? Thanks for listening to me out there in 'internet land'. I have to say with all the material that is available I should take a test for anxiety -- no, wait, then I will be anxious again.

   Oh, almost forgot to add: Carolyn, who is my enrollment advisor at the college did say that I could include her and the links to the college in my blog. So, if you are thinking about doing online courses (don't use my anxiety-driven nightmare thoughts as a deterrent, believe me I'm over thinking) you can contact her directly at: carolyn.nelson@ashford.edu

   No I am not a person from the college trying to get people to enroll. Promise. I am really taking courses there. I just thought I would provide some info in case anyone needed it. However, if you are one of those people who sees conspiracy in everything and this just proves it again I have to say: you are cool ...seriously, if you can see that, enlighten me! I try to find conspiracy and just end up finding out people aren't that interesting or creative. Conspiracy is what this country seems built on most of the time, and that means you have the 'pulse' of the nation. Great job! (and I mean that). However, if you can stop for a moment and remember that if I was from the university I would not have made myself so anxiety driven and a wreck at times. The idea is to 'put your best foot forward' right? Now I have to think about which is my best foot.

   I guess it would be - the foot of my brain, wherever that is? I could ask my friend who teaches Brain and Behavior. He would know. Off to work some more on my next assignment/post about learning. One thing I have learned from writing this blog that my thoughts are constant and the box to write this blog into keeps exiting and returning with the wrong formatting. Computers are frustrating when they don't cooperate. Such anti-authoritarian machines! Next blog will be written in Word and transferred to this little box. Word doesn't have such an attitude.

   Until next time...

I Hear the Bell Ringing...

2010-09-27T18:31:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the day that my first college course opens. Yea! Oh, no! What am I thinking?! Just to let you in on a few thoughts. Since I last wrote on this blog, our theater group has done a play, I finished a PowerPoint presentation for graduate students in Neuropsychology that I am doing in November (yes, I am teaching PowerPoint to grad students, or at the very least I am showing them what the program is capable of -- either way, it's teaching), and two of my favorite shows are back on the air - The Amazing Race and Biggest Loser.

I found out a lot about my options for course credits. There are the PLAs (Prior Learning Assessment) that are available to get credit for my work experience. So I figured it out this way. Let me know what you think. Here's my course schedule (for the first 46 credits) and my experience(that hopefully I can use for the credits):

Introduction to Literature

Published five novels, written short stories & plays (over 20 years exp)

English Composition I & II

Written for newspapers, have been a columnist, written articles, press releases and many other interviews and such for print
Novelist
Public Information Officer/Press Secretary

Computer Literacy

I'm really not saying anything about this except: I'm writing a blog, I am doing a PowerPoint Presentation, working on several video projects, researching on the Internet, Budgeting, etc., etc.

   Those are the ones I can come up with, but that's just for these courses. Hopefully, if all goes well, I can receive some PLA credit for my work. I have to say I like the idea of getting credit for work experience. It makes me feel like maybe all that time off school was just as useful. By the way, current stats, only 25% of Americans hold a Bachelor's Degree. At first, I read that in my new school book and thought, really? There are a lot of people lying, but then it occurred to me, maybe that's true. Because a lot of people I know don't have one, including me, and a lot of people I know are still working on theirs. I thought about it and I know about seven people that have a Bachelor's Degree. That's small, when you think about it.

   I must say getting ready to go back to school is probably as exhausting as going back. I mean I read all the schedules, the material, the worksheets, did a few assignments, worked on some Internet resources, and then I got up the 2nd day. It's crazy. By the way, the student portal (classroom) actually opened for viewing on this past Friday. So all excited, ready to go in and look around when ---bang!--- I was locked out! Quick called the tech support, open 24/7. Yea! Not so much. When I got two different people on the phone on Friday and Saturday, they directed me to another phone number. That one wasn't open for assistance until Monday. Ugggh!!!! Frustration set in. But for the first time in a long time (it seemed) I calmed down. No use in worrying about it. So I didn't. Oh you know what?

   They were wrong anyway. I called this morning (Monday) to the same 24/7 tech support number and found out that it was correct after all. Now, I know it sounds like they are disorganized, but they did get me back on track and I'm in! So I'll cut them some slack. After all, there could be a lot of students starting.

   Here's the deal now: I have to post my first assignment by tomorrow (Tuesday) before the end of class, and since the University goes by their time (Central), one hour behind me, then I get an extra hour (I guess). Always look on the bright side of life (insert whistling here for the Monty Python fans!).

   I didn't want to forget this time, I wanted to put a link up from my college. You know, just in case anyone wants to see it. So here you go!

http://www.ashford.edu/home/

   My final thoughts for the day:

Ice Cream is Good
The Pretender TV show should have finished their story
Good friends are like aged rum - they get better and better
Being married always makes me smile
The grammar checker on the computer is suggested not always right
80s music is still rockin'
Some 10 year-olds can really act (the girls in our show this past weekend were amazing!)
Having fun can never be downplayed
Dreaming of unicorns, knights in shining armor, and rolling fields is necessary sometimes

and for everything else there is MasterCard!

Until next time...

Feeling like a school girl again...anxiety!

2010-09-20T20:40:00.000-04:00

     Ok, I'll admit something very revealing about myself (that is if you don't know me. Believe me, this will not be shocking to anyone who does know me). Let's talk anxiety, shall we? The dictionary (New Webster's little shelf edition I owe) says "intense dread; apprehension". That's true. After all, as I write this I can feel that intense dread and apprehension washing over me. When I typed it into Google I received over 50,000 websites associated or dealing with the term, 'anxiety'. That's enough to make someone anxious, I would think. So here I am getting ready to start the actual first class of my college experience on the 29th of this month, a mere eight days from right now. I thought I had figured out ways to cope with my anxieties around starting a new experience, going to school, assignments, quizzes, final exams, papers, etc. I know where the anxiety comes from, though, is that even helpful? Sometimes I wonder.

    My anxiety comes directly from the fear of failure. The intense dread and apprehension I feel embarking on a new project, not done before. So, I attended college back about 22 years ago, I shouldn't feel it's new, because in a lot of ways, it really isn't. I love school, education, learning, so that should be calm for me. I love writing and doing assignments, so that shouldn't play a part in my anxieties. However, here I am, and there they are. Creeping up around me like those thorny brambles from Sleeping Beauty.

     I try to alleviate my anxiety by learning. So I prepared myself. Read the material, websites required, look over all the resources in the classroom and at the school. Read, read, and read some more. Guess what? That's what creates a lot of my anxiety. Funny, huh? Being anxious is a fact of my life, it seems, whether I want it or not.

    My most recent trip into the anxiety crazed mind I walk around with: PLAs. Prior Learning Assessments they are officially called. That's (if you don't know) when a student can try to receive credit for their work experiences. Great idea. I love receiving credit for what I have accomplished, so I'm in. I found out all about it. Read, read, and read some more. Then I contacted my advisor, remember her? CN. She liked my paragraph about my work experience and suggested that I use it for my documentation. Great! I loved it. I was moving ahead. Then I read some more and found out that I have to take another course just to do my PLA essay. Ok, I get credits for it, and at the end I will have a finished completely polished PLA (I hope), so I thought 'that works'. Then the anxiety went into full swing. I mean, I didn't even start my first course and this whole PLA thing is long and a lot of documentation is required to be considered for it. Not to mention that it costs extra money to submit each essay (and those are 10-15 pages in length and then add in all the supporting documents). When that is complete then the student may or may not receive the credits from their work experience. That's it. I was worried. What if I didn't qualify? What if all that hard work I first accomplished by doing the jobs, then by doing the PLA didn't get me any credits? Was I failure? I would think I was. So I needed an answer. Only trouble was -- there isn't one. No answer, no judgement call until the PLA is submitted and evaluated. That could take months. After all I can't even submit it until after I've taken two courses. Oh no, more anxiety. Something to continually worry about. Perfect. Exactly what I hate about myself. Worrying. Yet I do it, and often.

     I know I'm the type of girl (yea, I figured it out) that needs an answer to a question before the question is asked. Hence, all my need for learning - exactly why I am here doing college again. So I get that about myself. I also realize it's all very unrealistic to think that way. After all, you can't get an answer to a question without the question being posed - or can you?

    As I stated, I always liked school. I love the environment, the classrooms, the chalkboards. I even like going into schools. Somehow being there makes me feel good. So I'm a school geek that way, but back to answering a question before it is posed. In school I learned that you read the book, answer the questions (if there are any) at the end of the chapter and prepare to answer the questions before they are asked by the teacher. Right? Well, there's my problem. That's what school is to a certain extent.  Teachers pose questions that students are expected to answer and hopefully be correct about. There are exceptions, of course. Some questions posed are for discussions or opinions. Those questions cannot ever be answered before they are asked, can they? So that's an exception and actually I do understand those. No anxiety much around philosophical or opinion based questions. However most school rooms do have the idea that the answer to a question posed by a teacher about the subject should be answered correctly. That is how we know as students we understand the material and know it, and how the teacher knows we read it and hopefully understood it. Or at least that's what I always believed while I was in school.  Unfortunately, I took on that philosophy in life. Ask a question, know the answer. What a terrible mistake on my behalf?

    First of all, I don't always do that. Sometimes I actually ask questions for the answers. It's true. You know my need to learn and all supercedes that philosophy sometimes. But when it comes to classrooms I truly want to know the answer before the question is raised. I guess some would say that's proactive thinking and if you're prepared, it should be fine. But I say as proactive and useful as it might be in the classroom, it needs to not leave the classroom much. Trying to know the answers to questions I could never have predicted would come my way has gotten me into intense situations that have led to very difficult conversations. Me, trying to scramble to come up with an answer when I don't have one, and feeling the anxiety surround me as I do this. It is said that if you don't know the answer, say so. Ok, I've seen people do that and I have some serious respect for them. It all seems so easy when they say it. No sweat. But if I don't know the answer my problem is 'should I have?' In other words, is it a test of some kind?  I know, I know, it's horrible thinking. I need to change it. Hopefully, all this reading and those 50,000 sites on anxiety will help me change it.

   So here's my final thought:

     Starting today (and I will do the best I can) if I cannot answer a question, I will not. I will find out the answer, but relieve the anxiety and say simply 'I don't know the answer to that.' I will try to understand that I do not need to have an answer to every question posed to me. Nor will I feel like a failure if I do not know the answer. I will treat it as a learning experience and nothing more. As humans we can not know everything and that is the reason why we learn: to grow, to expand our knowledge. The reason why we ask questions is the same. There is nothing wrong with this and there is nothing to be afraid of.

Until next time... from the school girl who is still learning

Hi! I am already confused...

2010-09-16T14:26:00.000-04:00

So here I go on my online learning experience. I'm ready armed with emails from my advisor, CN, and ready for whatever I need to learn. The first email comes in. It's easy enough a list of all the things I have to do before I start the course. So off I go ready and able to surf the online classroom and post what I need to, etc., etc., as the King of Siam would say...

And then before I know it, I am confused. There is an assignment that is clearly posted in the demonstration student portal classroom (by the way portal is what they call - I thought that was cool and the site is called Constellation - even cooler!) and all these students are talking. Saying 'Hi', 'Hello', 'I'm so-and-so', 'Hi', and on and on it goes. I mean, on and on. Over 300 posts or more. So I thought it all started, I'll get involved. Unfortunately none of them are doing the assignment -- Introduce yourself. Not hard, mind you, but there is no adherence to the clearly defined rules of the assignment listed at the top of the page! Now, I'm confused and slightly worried. Could they all be wrong? Are they using the discussion threads for chatting? Confusing, right?

So I did what any good student would. I downloaded all my material, including the book. Read Chapters 1 and 2 about how to learn and what learning is. Didn't know there could be so much written word about learning. Believe me, there is (and there are still chapters 3, 4, and 5 to read). It wasn't uninteresting I can say, but as it got deeper into 'how we learn', 'what activities we do to learn', and such, I realized there really was a lot to this learning thing. And I started thinking about that first assignment - Introduce myself. Well, I did and I answered the four questions posed on the assignment (there were about 10 to choose from) and I posted. Excited I was embarking on a new journey with others like me ready to learn. Still the thread continued. 'Hi', 'Hi so-and-so', 'Hello. New student', etc. Confusion hit me like a ten ton truck (well maybe not that hard, but certainly enough to take the wind out of my sail). I mean, I want to start, get going and post and respond to others as is required for the first assignment, and here they are talking on a chat room.

After going back to the materials and reading and re-reading, I realized I needed help. I did post that introduction, by the way, and my subsequent first assignment (How I learn), and then I emailed CN. Unfortunately, she told me that was a demo student portal and I shouldn't post on there. Ok, that made more sense. But I worried...I had already posted. OMG! Now what?

Luckily, it was fine and CN said since I saved it just re post on the classroom portal when I receive my password next Friday. I thought next Friday --- I read all the assignments. I have a list of all the papers due. Ok, maybe this will work. Just keep my work and post as needed. No problem. Right?

Actually, absolutely right. Well, I survived first day (that wasn't really a first day). Hopefully, I will learn how I learn and remember not to jump into things too quickly. Though, in my own defense, CN said she was completely impressed with my enthusiasm so I've got that going for me...and yea, and she also gave me three more documents on how to navigate through the student portal and constellation (love those names!). So I have more reading material...YEA!

When I get to the actual class, I think I'll be exhausted (and that is twelve days away!) Good grief!

Bye for now...off to read some more.

First Day - I'm in!

2010-09-15T19:09:00.000-04:00

   I decided to start this blog as a way to put all my thoughts down about going back to college after being out of school for 22 years. Today I took a chance and decided to inquire about online universities. It wasn't my first time. I have done it probably a hundred times since I started using the internet many years ago. I didn't know if I really wanted to go back to school and get my degree for the right reasons. So all those times I just 'x' -ed out of the sites and went on with life, hoping I would get back to school someday.

   Well today is that day, it would seem. I just received a phone call about my application and admission being approved for a university's online Bachelor of Arts in Social Science w/ Education Concentration. If you haven't guessed, I thought I would be a teacher. Funny enough, I have always been a teacher in my life. Now, maybe if this all goes well, I can be a certified, official teacher with a real degree behind me. The woman I spoke with, CN, as I'll call her, was helpful, nice and very happy that I would be returning to school. She even said that I am her favorite type of student because I wanted to achieve a goal not just a job. And I guess that's all very true. I never could understand why it upset me so much that others had a college education and I had one semester of college back in 1988. Such a long time ago, it seems now. Back then, we didn't even have computers in our classrooms, much less the idea that someday there would be online courses and degrees. Anyway, I was never jealous of others' things they had. I never wanted more than my husband and our daughter (18 going on 19 this year!), theater, acting, writing and being with my family and friends. But as the years rolled along with jobs and responsibilities, I started to lose out I guess in ways I didn't comprehend back then in '88. It wasn't just losing out on job opportunities, becoming alot of 'temp' managers and such because I didn't have the degree, no, it seemed like it was so much more than that as I got older.

   Last year, we sent our daughter off to college in New York City. She was studying acting, dancing and singing. She is a beautiful singer and actress, however she dropped out after one semester and again, I got thinking. I did all this work with her through school, helping with assignments, working on papers and work with others, too, throughout the years, and finally, I think I'm ready to face my fears that I won't be good enough. Or that everyone around me, who supports my intellect and asks me questions about everything from social security, fixed income living to paying online bills to social groups, writing, and such, is just being nice when they say 'you're smart', 'this will be easy for you'. Maybe, all that experience I received from years of the working world will help. I have dedication, determination and ambitious. That's for sure. I started a community-based theater group at 18 years old. We perform shows and events all over my homestate and region. I developed and organized (with help from my family and friends) a street fair for two years in my hometown, wrote for local newspapers as a columnist and reporter, and even did a sales job at a retail store in the mall (and became 'temp' manager for a while). I did write and published five books, and wrote and performed over 100 theater productions. Maybe, going back to school, would be possible.

   So here I am. Classes start on Sept 28th and I'm still terrified that I won't live up to others' expectations. As to my own, I hope college will help me live up to those, too. Maybe, it can even help me with some self-esteem issues. Do I think college will help me live my life better? I don't know, but what I do know is, I am excited and looking forward to the new experience. I'm even excited to do homework! Now, you really know I'm 40...til next time.